Last night I took part in a pitch contest in a bar in Eugene.
There’s a new Bookpub opening up early next year called Eugene Hodgepodge. It’s both bar and bookstore (and hopefully will have coffee, too, but they haven’t said.)
They hosted an event last night at another local brew pub called Arable. In addition to having a table with books from their store that they were selling there, they had a local author pitch contest. Ten local authors entered it, each hoping to win a six-month front-facing display in the new store once it opens.
I’ve pitched my book before, many times, but not like this. I realized ahead of time that this wouldn’t be pitching to literary agents or publishers, or even the bookstore owners. I wouldn’t be trying to convince anyone to buy the book, or the streaming rights (which are available, by the way!), but rather I was going to be trying to convince a roomful of drinking people to vote for me.
A lot of them (I have no idea how many) weren’t even there for the pitch event, but rather for the football game that was playing on the TV in the place. They got into the pitches once they started, though, which was cool.
But, anyway, I decided a performance would be the way to go. Talk about my book, but in a way that was enjoyable and humorous. People are out for a good time. If I could get them laughing for a minute (or 90 seconds – the length each of us was given to pitch), maybe they’d vote for me.
It worked.
I turned to Gilbert and Sullivan for inspiration (and a tune.) While almost everybody seems to know it as “The Element Song” (and that’s where I first learned of it myself, from an ancient Tom Lehrer record), the original tune was “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General” from Pirates of Penzance.
So I put on my very best werewolf shirt and went out and sang my silly song about my book, and ended up winning the contest.
The lyrics I wrote for the occasion, to what Tom Lehrer once referred to as “A possibly recognizable tune” are:
It’s.. got..
People who are friends, and then they become enemies
And enemies to lovers and not-lovers to frenemies
There’s action and there’s humor and violence and a bit of sex
The plot will twist and turn and keep you guessing what is next
It’s been called a supernatural epic werewolf thriller
It starts off at a crime scene where there was a serial killer
From there the plot starts to grow in a way you could call fractally
There’s four different main characters each with their own POV
Michael’s the detective who is looking for the killer now
Veer’s trying to cover it up while balancing conflicting vows
Carl is a major nerd, and he only wants to survive
He accidentally starts a cult and sometimes quotes Babylon 5
There are a couple different people who ominously open doors,
Gordon’s a werewolf accountant - I bet you’ve not seen that before
He’s attacked by the same guy for whom Michael kicked a door in
And he’s a fan of Green Lantern, John Stewart more than Hal Jordan,
It’s set in and near Portland in places that you might have seen
Trader Vic’s and Mama Mia’s and restaurants that once have been
From the Morrison Bridge and underneath where you’ll find Waterfront Park
To Dante’s from the Southwest and Pioneer Square after dark
On 23rd and Burnside where there is a Goodwill Store
And three scenes at the Pied Cow where you can’t get coffee anymore
The places within Forest Park where honest hikers do not go
A scene involving Car2Go (which dates it to a while ago)
Not everybody gets along, but of course they don’t have to
As the title will imply, they bond over their morning brew
And if you are wondering how this book will fit in here
I can tell you that the title of the sequel is Red Tape and Beer
